Week 9 of 13
Now, if you read this post (don't blame you for not), you'll know that I have a complicated relationship with the Throne of Glass books. I really honestly do think that Maas is a very good writer, and I enjoyed A Court of Thorns and Roses as well as A Court of Mist and Fury (to varying degrees, I might add, but no need to go into that now). I read Throne of Glass when none of the other books were published, and I thought it was good. When Crown of Midnight came out, I thought it was amazing and LOVED it. I found Heir of Fire really quite slow and really quite dull, and Queen of Shadows, dear God...
But anyway, let's get on with the review! Ever onwards! Once more unto the breach, my friends! For Narnia, and for Aslan!
Rating: 3.98 out of 5 stars
Hmm...
Despite all of the things that pissed me off SO FUCKING MUCH about this book, I have to be objective. Don't anyone DARE to round that rating up to a 4 stars- it is firmly where it is, because I actually could not stand to make it any higher. I actually cringed when I typed the 4 onto the screen, and deleted it because I was shuddering so much I couldn't type.
OK, first and foremost, no one read this because they want to read about Chaol. Know why? HE. IS. NOT. FUCKING. IN. IT.
AND YES, I GET THAT. I GET THAT HE'S OFF, PISSING AROUND GOD KNOWS WHERE WITH BLOODY NESRYN, BECAUSE HE'S PARALYSED FROM THE WAIST DOWN, AND I GET THAT, I GET THAT HIS STORY LINE IS KIND OF IRRELEVANT RIGHT NOW, I GET THAT IF THEY HAD, I WOULD LIKELY BE BORED, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T A WAY TO INCORPORATE HIM INTO THE STORY AS HE'S KIND OF USELESS UNTIL HE GETS BETTER, BUT WHAT THE HELL?!
IN CASE YOU HADN'T GATHERED BY NOW, I'M ANGRY ABOUT THIS.
And anyone who just read that might be thinking
because I clearly seem to understand why Chaol's POV was not included, but urgh, I hate Maas for this. Chaol was by far the best character in Throne of Glass, and even though Celaena/Aelin was always so fucking annoying, Chaol brought out the tolerable side in her. Just so you fully understand, I will make something clear. I am the kind of girl who would rather have this:
than:
I would choose Will Herondale over Jem Carstairs any day, every day. Daniel Cleaver over Mark Darcy, yessir, not matter how much I might regret the decision later on!
So when I read the first two books, I was actually amazed, completely confounded, ballistically bemused (does that make sense? Did I spell that right? Eh, who cares), that instead of the smooth talking, sexily smirking, sapphire eyed, rumpled-dark-haired man, I was, for some unfathomable reason, leaning towards... the nice guy???
Chaol is the most realistic character in the series. He is just such a good, decent guy, and that's annoying, because as we know, the good, decent guy NEVER. EVER. Gets the girl.
You know what it kind of reminds me off? When (SPOILER FOR SEASON 6 OF GAME OF THRONES, IN CASE YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK IN THE MOJAVE DESERT) Daenerys leaves my poor, poor baby Daario behind when she goes sailing off to Westeros. (FINALLY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE). Even though they are amazing together, and so compatible in so many ways, and he is so goddamn sex- er, I mean, um, caring, yeah caring. Despite all that, you know, deep inside, there won't be a future for them, because the trajectory of their journeys are veering fiercely away from each other. She's going to be the bloody queen of a country. My poor baby Chaol is just the Captain of the Royal Guard for the enemy country.
Let us all a moment of silence, in memory of that oh so beautiful, oh so proud, yet oh so doomed ship, the mighty Chaolaena.
Anyways, moving on! (See what I did there? Dropped Chaol like a squirming baby, the way Maas did *glares*)
I was so, so pissed off at Maas' treatment of Chaol, and about Rowan and Celaena, and various other things, that I'm really irritated at myself for actually really, really enjoying Empire of Storms. Say whatever you want about Maas (and I have, believe you me) but you cannot deny that she is very good at what she does. Especially when you compare her writing from Throne of Glass to this one, you can tell that she has really evolved and strengthened as a writer, and her writing is honestly very good.
The pace to it was tremendous as well- so different to Queen of Shadows, where I would actually have to reread pages because nothing was sticking. All the big fight scenes, or the extremely tense scenes, were also written fantastically too, and I had my heart in my mouth reading it, not bearing to read on in case it all went drastically wrong for our protagonists, but at the same time, not wanting to put it down. It was so gripping, and it was the biggest reason why I rated it pretty high. And that cliffhanger at the end man!
And for that, Maas, I must commend you, however grudgingly I do.
But let's move on to something else that made me cringe so, so badly. The sex.
I'm not entirely sure why, but Maas cannot write sex. She just can't. Some writers are quite good, and even in YA books that will have fairly young readers, they can still get you hot under the collar. But whenever Maas tries, I can't handle it. It's perhaps not as graphic as A Court of Mist and Fury, but the thing is, that one fit into the plot. This one didn't. I just felt it was so unnecessary and forced, and the fact that Maas is really descriptive, but at the same time, trying not to be too graphic, just did not work for me. For God's sake, just write the word "cock" and get over it! And also, Rowan and Aelin just do not work for me, at all. Perhaps if I really liked Rowan, I wouldn't have minded it so much, but whenever Aelin's reaction to Rowan was described and she'd go on about how sexy and masculine and Fae he was and how much he turned her on, and all this other deep meaningful shit about how much they love each other:
And man, Rowan.
He's. So. Boring. Maybe not as boring as he was in Queen of Shadows, he did get marginally more interesting and three dimensional and fleshed out, especially towards the end, but I still don't see the attraction. He's just so bland and perfect and boring. I'll take an interesting, imperfect guy any day. And why the fuck can he not stop biting Aelin?! This isn't when they're having sex, I'll have you know. It's just when they're talking, or whispering sweet nothings, he'll just nip her. Fuck's sake mate, she's queen, not a cake.
That had no relevance, by the way. I just find it hilarious.
But I must admit, he'll get a lot more interesting in Book 6, especially with the new burden of responsibility the ending left him with. Let's see how Perfect Rowan handles being responsible for winning back a country.
And Aelin.
Rowan's annoying because he's boring, because he has no substance. Aelin's annoying because she's too obnoxious.
I don't like Aelin. There, I said it. Perhaps I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't, I'll deal with the burden of being the last of my kind. She's just stuck-up, self-righteous, self-satisfied, self- absorbed, arrogant, obnoxious and rude, and the other characters aren't helping. The way everyone else treats her, Aedion, Rowan, Lysandra, even Gavriel, Fenrys and Dorian, you'd think the sun shone from her fucking bum crack. Dorian is a King as well, and we know he's no pussy, and for some reason, he's sitting back, letting Aelin do her thing, running the show, having her secrets, and not standing up for himself and saying "Bitch, I am your equal, not your subject."
I would like to push everyone off this Aelin fanclub train. Especially Gavriel and Fenrys! Like, they have lived for thousands of years, done so much stuff, seen so many different types of people, and they're so fucking impressed with her, as if they've never seen anything so amazing in their lives!
And all of these plots that Aelin is cooking up in her head?! To be honest, it was actually quite good, reading about these plans that Aelin wove together so carefully, unfurling so perfectly, but come on! Aelin has NO battle experience. None whatsoever. She doesn't consult with Aedion, who is a bloody army general, or with Rowan, who is (allegedly) one of the most powerful Fae warriors out there, and you expect me to believe she is capable of cooking up these complicated, very smart and intelligent battle strategies with no help?! Is that actually realistic to people?
Having said that, with that ending... I won't spoil anything, but I'm feeling slightly more generous towards her. That cliffhanger did turn Aelin's character around for me quite a bit.
Let's finally just go towards my favourite ships to emerge from this book.
1) Dorian and Manon
Man, I LOVE these two! Manon is just so fucking badass, forget Aelin, Manon is the true ass-kicking heroine in this story. It was a bit inconsistent though, that Dorian was so reserved and quiet around Aelin and the gang, but leave him alone with Manon and
Whatevs, this is an inconsistency I can handle. Man, I don't want to read about two people professing their undying love for each other and all that other romantic sappy shit, I want two people who know what they want, and aren't afraid to go after it. I don't know how their story is going to end though, especially as Dorian is a king, and his queen can't be, you know, not human, but whatever. If Maas sinks this ship...
2) Elide and Lorcan
Elide, man!
Fuck Aelin, let's put Elide on the throne and have her run this party!
Elide is amazing. On the one page, we have Aelin, going on about how hard Endovier was, and how cruel Arobyn was, and how disgusting Adarlan was, when she was living in the lap of luxury for most of her years, while poor Elide rotted in a tower. Elide went through so much shit, but did we have her giving massive, self pityng monolgues? No we did not! She got out there, bluffed her way out of some really tricky situations, weaseled her way into the heart of Maeve's most heartless warrior, all the while with a broken leg.
And Lorcan!
I did not think I was gonna end up caring for Lorcan as much as I did! His development, in that one book, was so good, and so realistic, and all those times he was making eyes at Elide, I was like
Him and Elide are just so perfect and so well matched. I actually felt so bad for him at the end, with the way Maeve treated him, and then Elide spurning him. Sure, he deserved it, with the way he betrayed Aelin, but Elide has to forgive him. She can't not.
So to conclude... despite all my moaning about Rowan and Aelin and Chaol and sex... this book was good. Before reading it, I had read reviews where people compared its scope to that of A Song of Ice and Fire, and I was like
But it has. It has evolved to encompass so many characters and so many storylines, to become an epic, and much like in ASOIAF, there are characters and pairings that we love, and others we detest, but it's sort of irrelevant because it's just such a massive, gargantuan, well-crafted spectacle. I didn't think I was going to say this, especially after Book 3 and 4, but this story has definitely picked up again. I cannot wait for Book 6.
You know what it kind of reminds me off? When (SPOILER FOR SEASON 6 OF GAME OF THRONES, IN CASE YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK IN THE MOJAVE DESERT) Daenerys leaves my poor, poor baby Daario behind when she goes sailing off to Westeros. (FINALLY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE). Even though they are amazing together, and so compatible in so many ways, and he is so goddamn sex- er, I mean, um, caring, yeah caring. Despite all that, you know, deep inside, there won't be a future for them, because the trajectory of their journeys are veering fiercely away from each other. She's going to be the bloody queen of a country. My poor baby Chaol is just the Captain of the Royal Guard for the enemy country.
Let us all a moment of silence, in memory of that oh so beautiful, oh so proud, yet oh so doomed ship, the mighty Chaolaena.
Anyways, moving on! (See what I did there? Dropped Chaol like a squirming baby, the way Maas did *glares*)
I was so, so pissed off at Maas' treatment of Chaol, and about Rowan and Celaena, and various other things, that I'm really irritated at myself for actually really, really enjoying Empire of Storms. Say whatever you want about Maas (and I have, believe you me) but you cannot deny that she is very good at what she does. Especially when you compare her writing from Throne of Glass to this one, you can tell that she has really evolved and strengthened as a writer, and her writing is honestly very good.
The pace to it was tremendous as well- so different to Queen of Shadows, where I would actually have to reread pages because nothing was sticking. All the big fight scenes, or the extremely tense scenes, were also written fantastically too, and I had my heart in my mouth reading it, not bearing to read on in case it all went drastically wrong for our protagonists, but at the same time, not wanting to put it down. It was so gripping, and it was the biggest reason why I rated it pretty high. And that cliffhanger at the end man!
And for that, Maas, I must commend you, however grudgingly I do.
But let's move on to something else that made me cringe so, so badly. The sex.
I'm not entirely sure why, but Maas cannot write sex. She just can't. Some writers are quite good, and even in YA books that will have fairly young readers, they can still get you hot under the collar. But whenever Maas tries, I can't handle it. It's perhaps not as graphic as A Court of Mist and Fury, but the thing is, that one fit into the plot. This one didn't. I just felt it was so unnecessary and forced, and the fact that Maas is really descriptive, but at the same time, trying not to be too graphic, just did not work for me. For God's sake, just write the word "cock" and get over it! And also, Rowan and Aelin just do not work for me, at all. Perhaps if I really liked Rowan, I wouldn't have minded it so much, but whenever Aelin's reaction to Rowan was described and she'd go on about how sexy and masculine and Fae he was and how much he turned her on, and all this other deep meaningful shit about how much they love each other:
“He was hers and she was his and they had found each other across centuries of bloodshed and loss, across oceans and kingdoms and war.”
“Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will always love you.”
“This thing between them, the force of it, could devour the world. And if they picked it, picked them, it might very well cause the end of it.”
And man, Rowan.
He's. So. Boring. Maybe not as boring as he was in Queen of Shadows, he did get marginally more interesting and three dimensional and fleshed out, especially towards the end, but I still don't see the attraction. He's just so bland and perfect and boring. I'll take an interesting, imperfect guy any day. And why the fuck can he not stop biting Aelin?! This isn't when they're having sex, I'll have you know. It's just when they're talking, or whispering sweet nothings, he'll just nip her. Fuck's sake mate, she's queen, not a cake.
That had no relevance, by the way. I just find it hilarious.
But I must admit, he'll get a lot more interesting in Book 6, especially with the new burden of responsibility the ending left him with. Let's see how Perfect Rowan handles being responsible for winning back a country.
And Aelin.
Rowan's annoying because he's boring, because he has no substance. Aelin's annoying because she's too obnoxious.
I don't like Aelin. There, I said it. Perhaps I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't, I'll deal with the burden of being the last of my kind. She's just stuck-up, self-righteous, self-satisfied, self- absorbed, arrogant, obnoxious and rude, and the other characters aren't helping. The way everyone else treats her, Aedion, Rowan, Lysandra, even Gavriel, Fenrys and Dorian, you'd think the sun shone from her fucking bum crack. Dorian is a King as well, and we know he's no pussy, and for some reason, he's sitting back, letting Aelin do her thing, running the show, having her secrets, and not standing up for himself and saying "Bitch, I am your equal, not your subject."
I would like to push everyone off this Aelin fanclub train. Especially Gavriel and Fenrys! Like, they have lived for thousands of years, done so much stuff, seen so many different types of people, and they're so fucking impressed with her, as if they've never seen anything so amazing in their lives!
“Aelin was no savior to rally behind, but a cataclysm to be weathered.”
“You will find, Rolfe, that one does not deal with Celaena Sardothien. One survives her”
And all of these plots that Aelin is cooking up in her head?! To be honest, it was actually quite good, reading about these plans that Aelin wove together so carefully, unfurling so perfectly, but come on! Aelin has NO battle experience. None whatsoever. She doesn't consult with Aedion, who is a bloody army general, or with Rowan, who is (allegedly) one of the most powerful Fae warriors out there, and you expect me to believe she is capable of cooking up these complicated, very smart and intelligent battle strategies with no help?! Is that actually realistic to people?
Having said that, with that ending... I won't spoil anything, but I'm feeling slightly more generous towards her. That cliffhanger did turn Aelin's character around for me quite a bit.
Let's finally just go towards my favourite ships to emerge from this book.
1) Dorian and Manon
Man, I LOVE these two! Manon is just so fucking badass, forget Aelin, Manon is the true ass-kicking heroine in this story. It was a bit inconsistent though, that Dorian was so reserved and quiet around Aelin and the gang, but leave him alone with Manon and
Whatevs, this is an inconsistency I can handle. Man, I don't want to read about two people professing their undying love for each other and all that other romantic sappy shit, I want two people who know what they want, and aren't afraid to go after it. I don't know how their story is going to end though, especially as Dorian is a king, and his queen can't be, you know, not human, but whatever. If Maas sinks this ship...
2) Elide and Lorcan
Elide, man!
Fuck Aelin, let's put Elide on the throne and have her run this party!
Elide is amazing. On the one page, we have Aelin, going on about how hard Endovier was, and how cruel Arobyn was, and how disgusting Adarlan was, when she was living in the lap of luxury for most of her years, while poor Elide rotted in a tower. Elide went through so much shit, but did we have her giving massive, self pityng monolgues? No we did not! She got out there, bluffed her way out of some really tricky situations, weaseled her way into the heart of Maeve's most heartless warrior, all the while with a broken leg.
And Lorcan!
I did not think I was gonna end up caring for Lorcan as much as I did! His development, in that one book, was so good, and so realistic, and all those times he was making eyes at Elide, I was like
Him and Elide are just so perfect and so well matched. I actually felt so bad for him at the end, with the way Maeve treated him, and then Elide spurning him. Sure, he deserved it, with the way he betrayed Aelin, but Elide has to forgive him. She can't not.
So to conclude... despite all my moaning about Rowan and Aelin and Chaol and sex... this book was good. Before reading it, I had read reviews where people compared its scope to that of A Song of Ice and Fire, and I was like
But it has. It has evolved to encompass so many characters and so many storylines, to become an epic, and much like in ASOIAF, there are characters and pairings that we love, and others we detest, but it's sort of irrelevant because it's just such a massive, gargantuan, well-crafted spectacle. I didn't think I was going to say this, especially after Book 3 and 4, but this story has definitely picked up again. I cannot wait for Book 6.
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